Foreign Discussion Forums

In an effort to encourage understanding and dialogue between Yemenis and foreigners, I'm hosting a program where Yemeni students from the Yemen American Language Institute (YALI) and foreign students from the Yemen College of Middle Eastern Studies (YCMES) join together in discussion. I serve mostly to moderate the group and introduce the subject matter, but I'm trying to maintain an atmosphere of free dialogue and open communication. This can be a challenge at times as students from all the cultures represented want to hear what the other has to say, but sometimes they struggle with their ability to listen and understand the perspective of the other. These students are my age and usually older, so its interesting hearing what they have to say and how they present it considering that many of them possess a very solidified world view.

The first topic was on marriage in Yemen and the Western World. I mostly took notes on the things that were brought up about Yemeni culture. A quick summary of how the Yemeni students perceive the Western World when it comes to the pursuit of relationships can be narrowed down to the word "promiscuous," which is really an understatement. They seem to think that everyone from the West engages in sexual acts at any time without attributing any importance or emotion to it. Just as we have stereotypes of how extreme their culture is, so too do they hold the same about us. Below are some quick notes I took from the discussion in case anyone is interested.

One thing I will mention about the discussion was how many of the Yemeni's more extreme ideas contradicted each other, but when the foreign students tried to point out the flaws in their logic, the Yemeni students simply couldn't register what they were trying to express to them. When you build your entire world view around a certain logic, when that logic is questioned, people tend to get defensive and confused because although they may only be challenged on one aspect of their beliefs, each idea, however small, rests on top of another and when one is disputed, the entire infrastructure threatens to crumble.

Nonetheless, it's healthy to try to understand and question each other's perspectives to break down barriers and not worry about being politically correct. Otherwise, we'll continue to put up a facade of understanding without really acknowledging where the other culture is coming from and, in many ways, continue to fear what we don't comprehend. 

Yemeni Marriage Discussion between YCMES and YALI students

• One problem with marriage in Yemen is the young age of eligibility especially for girls, according to the Yemeni students (the current age is 16, though you can get engaged at any age).
• There are 2 main criteria for a suitable husband/wife including morals and religion.
• Beauty, money and reputation are also factors taken into account depending on the family in question and the morals they support.

• The pursuit of sexual and romantic relationships is forbidden, so it is illegal to be involved in this capacity.
• Whether or not tests are given to the future spouse depends on the family and their personal tactics.
• Some common examples consist of the mother of the man visiting the women in question during lunch to observe her cooking skills or the mother might engage the bride in a discussion involving morals to see if hers are compatible with her own.
• While polygamy is allowed it is rarely practiced, quite possibly due to the financial constraints it would pose. If a man marries a second wife, it states in the Qur’an that he must not do so unless he is able to treat both wives exactly the same. It was argued by some of the foreigners that this is impossible to do as every relationship is different - it is unrealistic to think the same relationship can be maintained with two different people.
• Some men marry a second wife without telling the first wife and this the Yemeni students found this to be unacceptable.
• The Yemeni students believe that love must be separated from a sexual relationship.
• I meant to ask about the difference between friendship and a romantic relationship, but was unable to find the time to do so.

• The Yemeni students believe that if you are a homosexual, you should be killed whether or not you act on your feelings because according to their beliefs, in Islam, homosexuality is illegal.
• They also seem to link pedophilia with homosexuality, expressing the belief that the two aren’t mutually exclusive.
• Perhaps there could be another discussion in the future on the topic of homosexuality?
• Premarital sex is very rare in Yemen due to the traditions and cultural restrictions that mediate behavior.
• Women cannot wear tight clothing.
• Individuals are not allowed to maintain close relationships with the opposite sex.
• Etc.
• The Yemeni students do not believe that adultery occurs in Yemen or if it does, it operates on a very rare basis. I have no evidence to state to the contrary and I didn't mention this in discussion, but what I hear from other Yemenis runs very contrary to this.
• They attribute this to the success surrounding the marriage process as well as the ability to seek a divorce if needed
• In the divorce process there are a series of steps that must be followed that may or may not culminate in actually getting a divorce (depending on what happens at each phase).
• There are lawyers, trials, etc. in what what appears to be a developed process.
• For the actual wedding celebration, the length varies depending on region and family.
• Women and men hold separate celebrations.
• Sometimes, the women’s celebration can last for 7 days and each day she must wear a different dress.
• For men, the celebration tends to be a bit shorter, around 2 days.
• The clothing worn depends on the family background and status.